


this love was out of control

by OperaticSkeletons



Category: Brallon - Fandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:02:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OperaticSkeletons/pseuds/OperaticSkeletons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every story has an ending, a middle and a beginning. sometimes life just fucks you over and there's nothing you can do about it</p>
            </blockquote>





	this love was out of control

**Author's Note:**

> Dallon is in The Brobecks and panic! never existed
> 
> title taken from Hold On Till May by Pierce the Veil

THE END

-March 2013

“Did you ever even love me at all?” Brendon’s voice is thick with venom as he spits the words out at Dallon. He can’t help but flinch at the way the words cut him down to the bone and for a second everything whites out. There’s a sharp ringing in his ears and he’s not sure but he thinks he might be shaking.

He tries to swallow around the lump in his throat but suddenly every nerve feels like it’s on fire.

“How could you even ask that? You...do you really think? You think I never loved you?” It hurts just to say and makes him feel sick. He sees a hundred different things flash across Brendon’s face and he can’t read any of them.

Brendon lets out a sigh and rubs a hand to the side of his neck and Dallon knows he’s already knotted up from all this. He just wants to drag him to bed and massage all the kinks out of him. He wants this all to end.

“No. No, I know you love me. Just, how can you say that and expect me not to be hurt? What am I supposed to think, Dall?”

Dallon blinks hard and tries to keep the noise in his throat from escaping. For being the highly praised lyricist that he is he sure did suck at talking about his feelings. He’d dug himself into many holes over the years and screwed up more than one relationship because he was just not able to express his feelings unless it was through song.

“I said I was scared. That’s all. I loved you, Bren. I, I still love you. Don’t ever doubt that.”   
Brendon still won’t meet his eyes and unlike Dallon he isn’t even trying to hide that he’s crying. “It was years ago! I was stupid! I don’t even know why I brought it up, I just, fuck, Bren. I’m sorry this is all wrong. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was just trying to-”

“I’m sorry.” Brendon rubs a hand to his forehead as he cuts him off. “ I’m sorry for everything. I just, I can’t do this. You don’t think about leaving someone that you love unless they’re a burden on you. You weren't even going to say goodbye. I would've come home to an empty house I just-”

A sob escapes Dallon’s throat now and all he can do is watch as Brendon shakes his head and turns to walk away without even bothering to finish his sentence. Something in Dallon is telling him that this time he's walking away for good. He wants to reach out and catch his wrist, pull him back and hold him until they’re okay again. He wants to scream and shout and fight until they’re both red in the face and exhausted. He wants to give in and breakdown, collapse against Brendon and cry until there’s nothing left. He wants to go back to when they were both happy but now all he can do is watch as his world walks away from him.

He’s not sure if it’s the flicker of hope that’s still burning deep inside him or if he really did hear the strained, “I’ll always love you.”, before the door clicks shut and Brendon is gone.  
-  
-Six Months Before

Brendon opens the door before Dallon even gets a chance to knock and flings himself onto him, latching on like a monkey and making him drop the bag he had in his hand. Dallon catches him and laughs against his hair until Brendon finally lets go and drops back down to the ground. He still keeps his arms wrapped tight around him as he pulls Dallon down to kiss him.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

It feels like Dallon’s heart stutters and he squeezes Brendon tighter.

“Missed you, missed you, missed you.”

Dallon had been on tour for two and a half months and with Brendon’s work schedule he had only been able to fly out to one show four weeks ago. They had been together through many tours and always found ways to deal with the distance but lately it had been taking it’s toll. Neither of them had brought it up but they had been fighting more and more lately over any little thing. They knew it wasn’t good to ignore it but it scared them both too much to face. They figured it was just the stress of being apart for so long and hoped that now that they were reunited things would go back to normal.

Brendon let go to pick up the duffel bag off the floor and Dallon grabbed the suitcase he had leaned against the wall. They spent the night eating dinner on the couch and catching up on all the shows Brendon dvr’d so they could watch them together.

The first few days were magic and after weeks of what felt like burning lungs they felt like they could finally breathe again. Things were okay. They were going to be okay.

That much was true until the third week Dallon was home and started to get antsy. The first few days back at home after living on the road for months were always pure bliss. You had your own bed with fluffy comforters and pillows that didn’t smell like sweat and a kitchen filled with food whenever you wanted. There were couches and actual bathrooms and room to stretch and have some privacy.

Then around the fourth week when the shine wore off the jitters would start to set in and he’d itch to get back out there. He’d miss the hum of the bus under him lulling him to sleep. He’d miss the screaming crowds every night and the prank wars they’d get into with the other bands. He missed having his friends around 24/7.

When Brendon gets home one night he overhears him on the phone with Matt talking about doing a few local shows and he can’t help but storm out of the room. Dallon looks after him confused and tells Matt he’ll have to call him back.

When he gets to the living room Brendon is sitting on the couch watching tv with his knees drawn up to his chin.

“Hey. How was work?”

Brendon doesn’t move as he mumbles out a, “Fine.”.

Dallon ignores the closed off attitude and plops down next to him.

“Anything exciting happen? Any office drama?”

“Nope.”

Dallon nods like he had said something interesting and watches the channels flick by as Brendon channel surfs. They’re quiet for a few minutes before Dallon tries one more time.

“What do you feel like for dinner? Kinda feel like spaghetti.” Brendon shrugs and now Dallon can’t help but be annoyed. “Are you sure nothing happened? You seem off.”

“Oh do I?”

Dallon feels stung at the way the words come out and tries to think back to what he could have done to make Brendon like this.

“What did I do?”

Brendon sighs and rests his head on his knees.

“Nothing, Dall. You did nothing. I just wish I were enough to hold your attention for more than two seconds.”

His head is still rested on his knees as he stares blankly at Dallon whose eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“What?”

“You haven’t even been home for a month and you’re already booking more shows.”

His voice is flat and suddenly the light goes on above Dallon’s head. Oh.

“Oh. Hey, no. Bren, I’m not trying to get away from you. I was seeing about doing a few local shows. I wouldn’t even be away one night. I could never get bored of you.”

Brendon’s expression doesn’t change as he keeps looking at him and Dallon has no idea what he should do. He’s about to say that he’ll call Matt and tell him to forget it but Brendon beats him to it.

“For once I just wish you could stay home for more than a few weeks at a time. I wish all your stuff wasn’t constantly in suitcases because you never even have time to unpack before you’re leaving again. I wish I still believed you when you tell me that you don’t want to go. I wish I didn’t have to pretend like I don’t know that you’re happier on the road than you ever could be here.”

His voice gets tight at the end and he turns his head to face the other way. Dallon watches his back move up and down with each breath and even though he wants to reach out and run a hand along his spine he doesn’t.

The thing is, he isn’t totally off. The band is at it’s peak with sold out shows every night. He has thousands of people singing his words, his feelings, back at him as if they were their own. All his dreams are finally coming true and it’s even better than he thought it’d be.

Even still he wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for Brendon. Brendon who believed in him before he even believed in himself. Brendon who worked two jobs at 19 so he could help them pay for studio time and made sure they had everything they needed to get their demo done. Brendon who made shirts at home to sell at shows and told anyone he met about this little band who was going to make it big one day. It was Brendon who slept alone for the better half of the last four years so Dallon could go out and chase his dreams.

As much as he loved his band Brendon was still his everything. No matter how far away he was Brendon was always the first thing on his mind. He hated that he doubted that and didn’t try to hide how hurt he was by it.

“You know you’re my first priority, right?”

He grimaced at the laugh Brendon let out.

“Yeah, Dall. I know.” He sounded tired more than anything and Dallon wondered when things had changed. He wondered how long he had been blind to the fact that they weren’t on the same wavelength anymore. They had been together for six years and had always been indestructable. No matter what life threw their way they always tackled it together and never looked back.

Through all the work with getting the band started, family drama, money troubles. They never let any of it phase them. They always said forever and they meant it. They were both in this for good it was their unspoken promise. Now Dallon was wondering if maybe he was the only one making promises to the silence and if maybe they should have been spoken out loud after all.

“I love you. You’re all I’ll ever need. The music is just a plus. I’d give it all up for you, Bren.” Another laugh escaped him and this time some of the venom was back in it making Dallon jump to finish. “I know you’d never make me do that but I’m letting you know I would. You’ve been my backbone for over half a decade. I’d fall apart without you.”

Brendon turned back towards him and after a few seconds of that same blank look a small smile spread across his lips. It didn’t quite reach his eyes but Dallon figured it was better than nothing. He didn’t want to reach out for a kiss incase he flinched away. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to take that. Instead he let his head fall against his shoulder and smiled back.

“You’re crazier than I thought if you believe I’d ever choose to live without you.”

Brendon’s nose scrunched up and this time the smile reached his eyes.

For the next few days they pretended that everything was back to normal. They acted like things would get better even though they both knew deep down that they wouldn’t.

 

-June 2012

Brendon was pretty sure his face was going to break. He was smiling so hard his cheeks were starting to hurt. He bounced back and forth on his toes and sang along at the top of his lungs from the side of the stage as he watched the band perform. His stomach would flutter every time Dallon looked over and sang at him or winked playfully before turning back to the crowd. No matter how many times he seen them play that burst of pride never seemed to settle down.

He had been there from there start and felt like apart of the band himself. He had put in just as much blood, sweat and tears into this group as the other members had and there was nothing in his life he was more proud of.

He felt his face heat up during the songs that he knew were about him and was glad he was already flushed from all the jumping around for anyone to notice. The second they were finished Dallon handed his bass to a tech and walked straight into Brendon’s arms. He smiled against his lips and asked him if he liked the show then kissed him before he even got the chance to answer. He made sure he kept an arm around him as he high fived the crew and chugged down a bottle of water before heading back out for the encore.

Brendon’s lips still sang along with Dallon’s voice but now his eyes were on the crowd. There had to be at least 14,000 people here and every face his eyes landed on looked like there was nowhere else they’d rather be. They were singing their hearts out right along with them and for those last few moments Brendon felt connected to each and every one of them.

This band meant the world to them and had saved them just like it had saved him.

He high fived the guys when they walked off stage the second time and jumped on Dallon so he could cover his face in kisses.

“Eww. Sweaty.”

Dallon laughed and rubbed their faces together making Brendon grimace.

“You love my body fluids.”

Brendon laughed and detached himself from him. “I do, dammit.” He made sure he leaned in close enough so that no one else could hear when he said, “We should get back to the hotel so I can show you just how much.”

He laughed when Dallon pulled back with a slightly turned off look on his face.

“I can’t tell if that’s gross or not.”

Brendon grabbed his hand and started to lead him towards the dressing room. “Me neither.”

Once they got back to the hotel they took their time showering together, lazily kissing and taking turns washing each other. Brendon practically purred as Dallon massaged his fingers through his hair.

“God, I’ve missed that.”

Dallon smiled and hummed happily. “Me too.”

They toweled off but didn't bother getting dressed as they got in bed and the mood immediately changed. Dallon pinned Brendon beneath him and mouthed at his neck as he ran a hand up and down his side.

“Missed you so much.”

Brendon nodded and whimpered, already moving his hips up so he rubbed against Dallon’s thigh. It had been too long and neither of them had the patience to drag it out. Dallon quickly pushed his legs apart and pressed two fingers inside. Brendon gripped his arm and arched off the bed already wanting more. Dallon moved his way down his body until he could take him in his mouth and sucked him down as he worked his fingers.

He’d missed this. Missed the way Brendon fell apart beneath him and how he knows all the right ways to make him come undone. When he started to crook his fingers just right Brendon went stiff and pulled on his hair till he moved off of him.

“Dall, fuck. Gotta stop or I’m gonna come.”

Dallon hummed and licked out at him making him spasm.

“That’s what I want.”

He felt a tug on his hair again. “No. Want you to fuck me.”

Dallon smirked up at him and pulled himself up above him.

“I think I can do that.”

Brendon pulled him down as he slowly pushed into him and moaned against his lips.

“Missed you so much. No more leaving me. Miss you at home. Not the same without you. Hate sleeping alone.”

Dallon mumbled reassuring responses back to him and every nerve was too overwhelmed to think too much about how odd it was that Brendon was saying these things. He had never said anything like that before knowing it’d only make Dallon feel guilty for being away from him. They found ways to stay in touch that way they hardly had the chance to miss each other even if it wasn’t the same as being together everyday.

He pushed the thought aside as he braced himself on his forearms so he could stare down at the look on Brendon’s face as he started to work his hips. He could almost come just from the sight itself. His hair was still wet and plastered to his face. His eyes were closed and his mouth was parted in a silent moan. He watched until Brendon started to work his hips up to meet his thrusts and he couldn't take it anymore. He snapped his hips forward making them both go still and moan loudly then he started up a rhythm again. He has his face pressed against Brendon’s neck as he moved into him and when he felt Brendon move a hand down between them to stroke himself he could feel him come hot across their stomachs.

It only takes the feel of him coming around him to tip him over the edge as well and he bites down hard on Brendon’s neck as he comes. They breathed hard against each other as they tried to gain control of their bodies and Dallon felt something twist in his stomach as he hears Brendon’s murmur as he smooths down his hair.

“Fucking missed this. I want to be able to do this everyday. Want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to you.”

Dallon pulled out carefully and collapsed next to him. He didn't say anything back and tried to figure out what to do with this new layer of guilt he felt weighted with.

There’s still over a month left of the tour and Brendon flies home tomorrow.

He falls asleep with his head on Brendon’s shoulder and dreams about leaving the band so they can run away together. They’re in a house by the ocean that looks an awful lot like the one from his childhood and every time they try to leave they end up right back inside the house.

When he wakes up he pretends like Brendon never said anything and smiles like it’s not going to kill him for the first time in years to say goodbye.

-

THE MIDDLE

-2010

They’re in the drive through at Carls Jr the first time they hear I’m Fine, Really on the radio. Brendon is grabbing the bag from the lady behind the window and nearly drops it when they realize what it is. They turn to each other with wide, unbelieving eyes and it takes a few seconds for Brendon to snap out of it and turn the volume up.

The woman in the window is looking at them like they’re batshit insane and all Brendon can do is point and shout, “This is our song! We did it! We’re on the radio!”. She looks at them like they’re full of shit and slides the window closed. Brendon starts whooping and banging against the steering wheel as Dallon sits in the passenger seat like a statue, too stunned to move.

He can’t wrap his mind around this moment. That’s him in the speakers. That’s his voice blasting out on who knows how many radios across the town. A huge grin slowly spreads across his face and he’s not sure it’ll ever leave.

Once the car behind them starts honking they pull into the parking lot and Brendon pouts when the song ends. He turns the radio off and throws himself across the seat at Dallon.

“You fucking did it! Dall, this is amazing! You were on the radio!”

It feels like fireworks are going off in Dallon’s chest as he squeezes Brendon to him.

“WE did it, Bren. We freaking did it.”

He pretends not to see the tears that are pooling in Brendon’s eyes as he leans in to kiss him hard and ignores the stinging in his own.

“We have to call the guys!”

Dallon nods and pats his pocket for his phone. He gets it out but stops before he can hit call.

“What are you doing? We have to tell them!”

Dallon smiles and shakes his head.

“Lets eat first. Lets just keep this between us for a bit more.”

Brendon smiles at him softly and hands him the bag of food.

They eat with grins on their faces and hardly even taste the food. This is almost as amazing as the moment they were told they were being signed.

Dallon watches Brendon chew as he looks out the window and he’s glad that he was with him for this. There is no one else on earth he’d rather share this with than Brendon.

-

Over the next few months their lives change completely. None of them expected it and it comes as a bit of a shock but they’re all willing to hang on tight. They’ve been a band for years and had never had success like this. They had played festivals and local shows and slowly gained a small following and now their album had gotten around enough that more people were starting to pay attention.

They had two singles on the radio now and were quickly climbing charts they never thought they’d be on. They had a tour opening for a well known band and dozens of boring meetings with lawyers and managers. They were getting their own official merch and were repackaging and releasing the album.

Their lives had been thrown into a blender and there was no time to even catch their breath. It had killed them the first time Dallon had to leave on tour for more than five weeks but things were so exciting that Brendon put on a brave face and waved him off with a smile. They spoke on the phone every night and texted non stop during the day. He’d get packages and postcards with things from different places. “I Wish You Were Here”s and snippets of new lyrics scrawled in sleepy handwriting that could only be about him.

The first time he flew out for a show he felt like he had the air knocked out of him at the sight of the crowd. Half of them looked bored and antsy for the bigger names to come on but there were still hundreds of faces smiling and singing along. Brendon couldn’t believe this was happening and didn’t even try to hold back the tears that spilled out. They had been working for this for so long and now it was finally happening. 

-

The next few years passed by right before their eyes. A blur of choked out Goodbyes and ecstatic I Fucking Missed Yous. A whirlwind of number one hits and headlining tours.

Through it all Brendon had stood strong taking care of things at home until Dallon would return to him full of exciting new stories. When they had moments of weakness they refused to give in and fought through the trouble. They both knew they were in this for good, it had been decided long ago, and neither were willing to let as little a thing as distance come between their happiness.

Every time Dallon feared things might be too much and Brendon would finally leave he’d prove him wrong. Not once did he ever make him feel guilty for not being there. Not once did he ask him to stay or show him that he was hurting and Dallon did his best to repay him in words and melodies strung together just for him.

-

-January 2008

Dallon can’t breathe. He’s sucking in mouthfuls of air but his lungs still burn. His heart is hammering in his chest and suddenly everything is too loud. He’s sitting on the back porch but it feels like he has walls closing in on him. He sits down on an old rusty lawn chair when his head starts to spin and puts his head between his knees.

It’s ten at night and Brendon will be home in half an hour. He has thirty minutes to get his shit together and act like he’s fine. For a second he thinks of packing a bag and driving until he can't anymore but the thought of Brendon coming home to an empty house immediately makes him sick. He feels acid churn in his stomach and hates every single part of himself for even thinking such a thing. As easy as it would be to run from this he could never do it. Before, anytime he had a problem he’d run. It wasn’t the way his parents raised him and the guilt always stuck with him but it was just how he dealt with things.

When he was in the fourth grade he failed a spelling test after deciding to play with his friends instead of studying and after lunch he slipped off school grounds and walked to a nearby park until a cop had shown up looking for him and taken him back to a group of pissed off teachers and parents.

When he was sixteen he broke up with his first girlfriend after realizing he didn’t like her in that way and would never be able to then skipped school for the next four days until the counselor called his parents and he was forced to go in.

When he was twenty and his father caught him making out with another guy on his bed when he came home early from work one day he packed up the things that meant the most to him and used what money he had saved up to get his own apartment.

As much as he hated it, Dallon was a runner. He couldn’t help it it was just what he did. He always felt horrible for it and the pain from it hurt almost as much as the problem but he just didn’t know how to change his ways.

So when he was twenty four and his whole world was his band he never expected a bright eyed nineteen year old to come in and shake him up good. He didn’t even try to fight it they just clicked together like they were always meant to be. Brendon took immediate interest in the band and Dallon liked how supportive he was. He had tried dating a few times since they had started the band and it hadn’t ended well. Guys didn’t seem to like being placed second to a band. Brendon was different though. He came in and gave Dallon that extra push he needed to believe that he could really do this. He moved in to help Dallon with rent after their original guitarist quit and moved out and he even got a second job to help with any extra things they needed for the band.

Somewhere in between the practices and recordings, homemade music videos and small gigs for little pay, they fell in love.

They took things slow and it all came easy. They didn’t push it and everything felt natural. Like they already knew all of each other’s secrets.

It was a shock when they hit their first rough patch but they worked through it and came out stronger. The second one lasted longer and for once Dallon was scared.

Dallon’s family had never approved of him but they loved him anyways. He was still welcome around the house even if it was a little awkward. He avoided going home as much as he could but it was nice to know they loved him enough not to outcast him completely.

Brendon on the other hand had been kicked out at seventeen. He was on his own and the one time he tried to go back he came home a mess. Dallon had comforted him and they got on with life until one day Brendon was at work and Dallon opened the door to find a woman who looked an awful lot like Brendon. She had his eyes and his mouth, the color of his hair. She introduced herself as his mother and Dallon had no idea what to do. She refused when he invited her in and the two stood awkwardly at the door. He had no clue what to say or do so he stayed quiet until she finally cleared her throat and spoke.

“I know who you are. I know that you’re with my son. I have told him that I do not approve but his family doesn’t seem to matter to him. I know this isn’t really him and that my Brendon is still in there somewhere. I came here to ask you to do the right thing and send him back to us. Do whatever it takes. Tell him you don’t love him. Tell him you’ve come to your senses and that this is all disgusting and wrong. I know if we can just get him back that we can fix him.”

Dallon stood still, his eyes wide with shock. He wanted to slam the door in her face but his body didn’t seem to be working at the moment. He opened and closed his mouth a few times but nothing came out.

“I’m sorry? I can’t do that. I know you don’t approve but I really do love your son.” He ignored the way she grimaced at that and went on. “He’s an amazing person and I could never do that to him. I’m sorry that you can’t see what I see.”

The look of disgust was still on her face as she spat out at him. “What even makes you think you’re good enough for him? I know he’s lost right now but Brendon is an amazing boy. What makes you think you’re worthy of that? Look at this dump of a place you have him in. You’re tainting his soul and you can’t even give him what he deserves. Do you really think you can make him happy?”

Dallon felt like he had been hit by a truck and he had to grip the doorknob to stop himself from pushing her down the steps.

“I think you should leave.”

He didn’t wait for her to say anything else as he slammed the door and went to throw up. When he looked out the window ten minutes later her car was gone and he silently prayed that he’d never have to see her again and that Brendon would never find out.

That had been weeks ago and ever since her words had been looming over him like a dark cloud. Every time Brendon came home exhausted from having to work back to back with no days off between both jobs he felt another layer of guilt added on. Every time they couldn’t afford something they needed it was a kick to the chest.

He wasn’t good enough for Brendon and he never would be. He had always thought so before but now she confirmed it. He was twenty four and had gotten fired from his shitty job. He never went to college and spent all his time putting everything into a band that might not even make it. He was making Brendon work his ass off for his dream and the guilt of that ate away at him constantly.

He had been sitting on the couch watching tv when out of nowhere the panic hit him. There was a happy family on vacation in one of the commercials that came on and it set something off in him. He’d never be able to give Brendon that. He’d never be able to give him the nice vacations and the fancy cars or houses. They could hardly afford food most days how was he supposed to force Brendon into this forever? It wasn’t fair to him and he didn’t know how to fix it.

His breathing cut off like someone was gripping his throat and for a second he hoped he’d pass out. He got up and made his way to the back porch and paced back and forth. He was a loser. A bum. What the hell did Brendon see in him? All he had to offer him were his words and even those weren’t that great in his opinion.

Brendon was his everything and he wanted to give him the world but he just didn’t see how he could do that. He thought back to the times Brendon had come home and cried himself to sleep in Dallon’s arms because the stress was too much. He was so young and taking on so much and he just didn’t know how to deal with it.

Knowing Dallon was at fault for some of that made him hate himself. He didn’t know what to do and for one split second he thought of running and freeing Brendon of him. After feeling how sick it made him and how sharp the pain of the thought of a future without Brendon was he took a deep breath and could breathe again. He tested it out taking a few deep breaths and ignored the way his hands were still shaking.

He looked out at their backyard but he wasn’t seeing the patches of dirt and dead grass. All he could see was his future and how it looked a hell of a lot like Brendon’s smile. He decided in that second that no matter what happened from this point on he wouldn’t let Brendon down. He would fight till he was bloody and bruised to give him what he deserved. The band would make it and they’d get their nice vacations and beach houses. And if it didn’t work out and the band never took off he’d go back to school and find something else that he loved. He’d work and he’d get a job and he would give Brendon the life he deserved. His hands were still trembling but he wasn’t sure it was for the same reason anymore. His heart was beating fast and his palms were sweating but now there was a small smile on his face. He had never been able to see anything but the band when he looked into his future. It included shitty pay and sleeping on other people’s couches. But now he could see huge crowds with Brendon standing side stage. He could see platinum albums and him and Brendon forever.

This was it. No matter what happened now he knew that he was in this for good.

-

THE BEGINNING

-Summer 2006

Brendon is nineteen and flipping burgers. All of his friends are off at college getting degrees to get the job of their dreams and he’s stuck in this shitty town serving food at a hole in the wall burger joint. His friends are gone and his family hates him. He shares a crappy apartment with three other guys who never speak to him no matter how hard he tries to get them to like him and every week he discovers more and more of his stuff missing.

Despite all this he keeps a smile on his face. He’s been told he has a nice smile and figures if he keeps it up maybe with time his insides will match his outside. He smiles for the nice customers and he smiles for the horrible customers. He smiles for his boss and his coworkers and each and every smile feels fake.

That is up until the day a tall, blue eyed, twenty something walks in and stutters to a stop the second he meets Brendon’s eye. He already has his fake smile in place but slowly it starts to crack and fall away and his real smile peaks out for the first time in almost a year. He can feel his eyes crinkle in the corners and suddenly it feels like he took a deep breath of fresh air. He takes the guy’s order and the ones of the group he’s with. The place is empty otherwise and he makes small talk with the guy’s friends while they wait for their food. He finds out they’re in a band and that instantly has his attention. One of the shorter guys hands him a demo and they all roll their eyes fondly at how he always has a stack on him, “Just in case. You guys won’t be talking shit when I run into a famous producer and slip it to him”. Brendon smiles a real smile again and thanks them as he hands them their food. He tells them to come by anytime and to let him know if they ever play a show.

The whole time the guy says nothing at all. Every time Brendon caught his eye he had looked away with a slight blush on his cheeks. He felt a panic in his chest as if he had done something wrong even though he never even got to talk to the guy.

Days pass and the guy won’t leave his mind as he spends boring days at work. Then almost a week later he looks up when the bell above the door rings and he sees blue eyes walk in alone. That genuine smile makes its way out again and this time Brendon actually gets him to talk. He’s nice and funny and Brendon is pretty sure he’s the world’s biggest loser for getting this much joy out of a ten minute conversation with a stranger at work. He can’t help but frown when the guy takes his food and leaves but the next day he’s back again. He starts coming in for lunch everyday sometimes alone sometimes with the group and each time Brendon has a smile waiting for him.

They get to know each other over fries and shakes, twenty minute breaks and car rides home. Numbers are exchanged and invites to practice are offered.

Soon Brendon’s smiles aren’t fake even when Dallon isn’t around. He’s happy to be alive again and suddenly the world is brighter. That dark edge that was creeping around everything is gone and he remembers how good it feels to actually be happy.

They have their first kiss in the practice space after the guys are gone for the day. It’s everything a first kiss should be and as stupid as it sounds Brendon can taste forever on his lips once he pulls away.

He makes it official after Dallon tries to stutter out “I was wondering if you um maybe wanted to go out with me” and laughs at the pout Dallon gives him for beating him to it. He moves in a few weeks later to help Dallon along and doesn’t tell him just how shitty his current place is. He leaves with almost half of what he got there with and doesn’t even bother accusing any of his roommates. He figures Dallon is all he needs from now on.

 

-

Dallon doesn’t say anything, he knows he never would, but Brendon can tell they’re struggling so he gets a second job. He starts filing papers at a doctor’s office in between burger making and he tries his best to kiss away the guilt that’s always in Dallon’s eyes. He tries to tell him that he doesn’t mind doing this. He’s doing it for him. He’s doing it for them. And as long as this keeps them together and the band alive then it’s worth it in the end.

Despite the constant exhaustion and sometimes having to go a day or two without seeing each other due to conflicting schedules Brendon has never been happier in his life. He gets Dallon’s laughter and his smile, his bad jokes and his not so great cooking, he gets his arms around him at night and his soothing words when he wakes up from a nightmare. The first time he writes a song for him he bursts into tears. He doesn’t know how to respond but the choked out, “I don’t know what to say. It’s amazing.”, seems to be enough for Dallon.

He’s given poems and lyrics that are just for him. He's constantly finding them around the house on bits of paper or scrawled on a cereal box in permanent marker. Beautiful rhymes are whispered in his ear between kisses. He hears, "All my words belong to you, y'know that?" almost as much as he hears "I love you". Dallon has given him his voice. To Dallon there is no greater gift than that. "I'm pretty sure I'd be mute if I didn't have you." The thought of so much pressure makes Brendon want to puke but more than anything it makes him want to hold on tight and never let go.

He’s found his forever and it’s a tall, blue eyed, twenty something who would go to Hell and back to give him the world. The taste of forever still hasn’t faded from his lips and in this moment he’s sure they’ll taste of Dallon for as long as he lives.


End file.
